


Morning Thoughts

by driftweed



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Edited, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Referenced murder, altered timeline, some spoilers?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:27:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftweed/pseuds/driftweed
Summary: Billy Russo gets attached.





	Morning Thoughts

Billy always wakes up before you do, and today is no different. Also, like every other day, he lies on his side in order to admire you.

He likes this routine he has created, staying in bed until you finally wake up and then taking his time to kiss, caress - and every now and then, fuck -  you.

This morning you are naked, sleeping upside down, and he remembers what happened the night before with a big smile on his face. He can’t believe how lucky he is for having you for himself.

Truth is you wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for you. The first time he saw you, it was a rainy afternoon, one Friday. He had a job to do, protecting some businessman who was needed for a meeting. Billy wasn’t allowed in the building, remaining outside. Back in the day, he wasn’t as successful as he is now, but he was trying hard to build a future for himself.

At first, he didn’t pay attention to the girl walking towards him from the opposite street. You were holding a paper cup and a bright pink umbrella, but he didn’t notice you until you stopped in front of him. “ _Hi_.” He remembers you said with a friendly smile. “ _It’s pretty cold, so I thought you would need this_.” You handed the hot coffee to him, but immediately felt stupid. You didn’t even know if the stranger liked coffee.

He did, and he does, and he really appreciated the gesture that day. Minutes later, he learned that you worked in the coffee shop in front of the building and he said something about you observing him. That made you blush, and he knew then that you would be the one. Maybe it was love at first sight. Even now, he still doesn’t know what you have done to him.

 _“My name is William.”_ He introduced himself and you both talked for a few minutes before returning to your respective jobs.

(It wasn’t until next week when you exchanged numbers)

You smile while sleeping and mumble his name, so his heart flutters. He loves/hates the feeling. Getting attached is a weakness. What if someone comes after you because of him? What if someone discovers the things he is involved in and kills you? His heart aches now because of the simple thought. He loves you so much, it literally hurts.

(Sometimes, he hates loving you, but every day, he hates himself for being who he is.)

You were together for a couple of months when you first slept at his apartment. It was also the first time you saw him having a nightmare. You already knew he was an ex marine, he told you on your first date, so you supposed it was something that would be habitual. However, it didn’t stop you from feeling bad for him, seeing him so vulnerable broke your heart.

At first, you didn’t know what was happening. He was stirring and sweating and saying incoherent things you didn’t understand at the time.

He continued saying something about someone hurting him so you got up quickly.

 _“_ _Billy, babe, wake up. You’re having a nightmare_ _.”_ You gently moved him, not wanting to startle him, but it didn’t work, because he got up abruptly, scaring you.

You didn’t know what triggered him then and he wouldn’t talk about it. You just hugged him while rocking him and left little pecks all over his face, trying to provide some comfort.

_“Shh, it’s all okay, baby. It was just a nightmare.”_

 It took him half an hour to calm down, and when he did, he told you things he never told anyone. He told you about his childhood, how his mother was a drug addict and how he went from family to family. And that’s how you learned the story behind the scar on his shoulder too. You started to cry as soon as he told you about it.

 _"I must have been ten, eleven at the time. When a grown man tells you that you're pretty you know nothing good is coming. Let's just say I wasn't interested in the kind of games that he had in mind.”_ His expression was blank.

He spoke about Afghanistan but nothing too revealing was said. However, you accepted the fact that some things were confidential or you wouldn’t understand them.

Then he felt bad, too fragile and exposed, but you assured him you understood, or you would try to. After all, you had your own demons too.

That night, he knew you were special, and he hated you for it.

However, he can’t hate you now. How could he, when you’ve helped him so much? How could he, when you are the most beautiful and caring girl he has ever meet? You are crazy – in a good way – and intelligent and friendly and pure. You are his best friend, his girlfriend, the love of his life.

He loves you more than he loves himself.

(How could he love himself after all the things he has done?)

Some months ago, it was your first anniversary and he had the perfect gift for you, but he wasn’t in the mood for any celebration. That same afternoon he fucked a girl for information because Rawlins, his new “sponsor” _asked_ him to. (Right then, he had no idea what he was getting into.)

How could he do that to you?

He was miserable, but also a very good actor, so the rest of the night was spent with a lot of smiles and I love you’s, mainly from his part. He tried hard to convince the both of you of the love he felt for you.

That night, after making love to you, he swore he would never cheat on you ever again. What he didn’t know is that in a few months he would have to do it again, because a new woman would arrive in New York: Dinah Madani.

You were there for him when Maria and the kids died, and you were there for him when Frank was declared dead too. But now Frank is alive, and he hates himself even more. Why are things so complicated? He was involved in the Castle family’s death, and now he has to kill Frank. He feels horrible.

(Or does he? He has killed a lot of people without even blinking)

He still asks himself where he lost himself. Was it in Afghanistan? He knows it wasn’t there. It was long before that, when he was still a kid. He knows something is wrong with him. The only true feelings he has are love and hate, directed towards you and him.

He hates himself, but at the same time, he doesn’t.

He loves you, but his acts show otherwise.

You stir and slowly start to open your eyes. His heart does that stupid flip once again and he knows the feeling is pure, even if he is not the best man of them all.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” He kisses your forehead with a big smile and you cuddle him. Morning with you are always the same, showing a lot of affection.

“Hi.” Your voice is still raspy and he loves that about you, too. You rest your head on his chest and smile genuinely. “How long have you been watching me?” You have picked up on this routine of his. Some would find it creepy, but you think it is adorable.

He laughs and hugs you tightly. “A few minutes. I’ve been thinking about the first time we met. And about how much I love you.” He tells half the truth and while kissing your lips, he brings you even closer to him.

“I love you too, silly.” You say with the smile still painting your face and you look at the alarm clock on your bedside table. “Do you really have to go today?” It’s Sunday.” When he sees your frown he chuckles again but then sighs, nodding his head.

“Yes, honey. I can’t tell you much about it, but I really need to be there. I promise I won’t be late today. I’ll be here for lunch.” He leaves another kiss on your face but remains in bed for a few more minutes.

It's cold outside and he doesn’t want this moment to end, but he has to reunite with his  _dead_  friend, Frank.

In another place, Frank prepares himself to meet with his best friend. He isn’t a man of many emotions, but he does feel a little excited (not that he would ever admit it to anyone). For the first time in months, he has a little hope. Maybe Billy can help him with his deed and he can finally be free. Oh, if he would know…

Back at your apartment, Billy decides he will finish the meeting quickly and then you will pick up on last night. After all, killing a man won't take him too long.

 


End file.
